Here are the links we promised:
The Noticing Game: https://www.wouter.org/authentic-relating/notice-imagine-feel-speaking-truth/
Decide 10: https://medium.com/prototypethinking/the-should-we-do-this-rating-system-3aac062b1b91
Rule 0: “If something feels awkward or scary to say, you must find a way to say it.”
Receiving Feedback: Make it uncostly for others to give it!: “Thanks for your feedback.” Questions to understand the core of the feedback are fine; justifying yourself or arguing whether the feedback is correct is out of place. If feedback causes a strong emotional reaction for you, it can help to say internally: “I’m not on the world to live up to your expectations.”
Withholds—General structure:
A: “[Name], I have a withhold for you. Do you want to hear it?”
B: “Yes”/”No”
A—if yes: “When you did x, I felt y. (Because I thought/needed z. Could you do a for me now?)”
B—“Thank you.”
How strictly you follow the structure, and whether you go for polite and safe “I”-statements or just fire away with your judgments depends on your relationship to the other person. Anything goes, as long as it doesn’t threaten a fundamental attitude of “you and me versus the problem” rather than “you versus me”.
Online Feedback tool: www.admonymous.co
If you haven’t done so already, we greatly appreciate hearing from you:
A point I’d add, or perhaps a variation of point 2, is:
Provide the necessary context: introduce yourself in a way that lets them know enough to get an idea of who you are in relation to them, explain the reason for your message concisely and be explicit with what action is required so that they can target the best response.
It’s better to write an additional paragraph in order to provide context, than to send a series of concise questions you need answers to without letting them know why they should care about replying in the first place.