Feedback: I love the idea behind the piece, since it very closely tracks with what motivated me to join the EA movement in the first place. Other art I’ve found that makes use of the same idea: This essay by Julia Wise and the film Life in a Day. I hope you’ll keep thinking about and writing on similar topics; I want to see more work on the sheer emotional force of effective altruism.
As for the piece itself: I liked the progression of ideas and the sharing incentives at the end, but I found the language to be a little too abstract and poetic to follow in some places. I’m also wary about the phrase “our women”; I understand it to mean “the women who belong to our species, the human species”, but paired with “our children” it adds an accidental hint of patriarchy.
Thanks for the feedback and the links. I’ll check them out. I’m likely guilty here of overly poetic language and I should keep it in check so that it doesn’t distract from the message. Your point about my language: ‘our women’, is worth some thought on my part and I’ll give it that.
Your comments were sincerely appreciated. Thanks for taking the time.
Feedback: I love the idea behind the piece, since it very closely tracks with what motivated me to join the EA movement in the first place. Other art I’ve found that makes use of the same idea: This essay by Julia Wise and the film Life in a Day. I hope you’ll keep thinking about and writing on similar topics; I want to see more work on the sheer emotional force of effective altruism.
As for the piece itself: I liked the progression of ideas and the sharing incentives at the end, but I found the language to be a little too abstract and poetic to follow in some places. I’m also wary about the phrase “our women”; I understand it to mean “the women who belong to our species, the human species”, but paired with “our children” it adds an accidental hint of patriarchy.
Thanks for the feedback and the links. I’ll check them out. I’m likely guilty here of overly poetic language and I should keep it in check so that it doesn’t distract from the message. Your point about my language: ‘our women’, is worth some thought on my part and I’ll give it that.
Your comments were sincerely appreciated. Thanks for taking the time.