MichaelA🔸 comments on Asking for advice

[MichaelA🔸]

These comments are all useful data for me, but I also find them somewhat confusing. Are you referring to cases where the person’s calendly is quite full, so you’re forced into a narrow range of options?

My calendly is usually quite empty, as my schedule is quite flexible. So I’d hope this comes across to people as being very considerate of their schedule, since they can choose from a very wide range of times and dates.

Or maybe you find it annoying either way, and it’s more like getting sent a calendly link just feels less considerate of your schedule than being explicitly asked when’s good for you?

[Kirsten]

I think it’s a bit of both. I’m particularly annoyed if someone asks me for a favour and then send a calendly with only a couple slots, or slots that don’t make sense in my time zone. I’m very very annoyed if I say “How’s Monday at 8?” and they say, “I think that should be fine, can you check my Calendly?”

But overall I think it’s a status thing. Instead of starting from my preferences, I’m put in the position of picking which of their preferences is the least inconvenient for me. It’s perfectly functional, but I don’t get to be the star.

[MichaelA🔸]

I’m particularly annoyed if someone asks me for a favour and then send a calendly with only a couple slots, or slots that don’t make sense in my time zone. I’m very very annoyed if I say “How’s Monday at 8?” and they say, “I think that should be fine, can you check my Calendly?”

Yeah, I think I’d find both of those annoying as well, and the second especially—the second just seems an entirely unnecessary use of calendly anyway, and does seem to fairly strongly signal “Your time is worth less than mine”.

Instead of starting from my preferences, I’m put in the position of picking which of their preferences is the least inconvenient for me. It’s perfectly functional, but I don’t get to be the star.

Interesting. I guess I’d assumed people would instead see it more like me offering them a massive menu that they can pick from with ease and at their convenience. (Well, not really like that, but something more like that than like them having to work around me in a way that puts me first.)

Stefan wrote in another comment:

Maybe one option would be to both send the Calendly and write a more standard email? E.g.:

“When would suit you? How about Tuesday 3pm or Wednesday 4pm? Alternatively, you could check my Calendly, if you prefer.”

Do you think that that option would alleviate this feeling for you?

[Kirsten]

Most likely! I guess we’ll just have to test it and see!

[Jonas V]

I’ve found it difficult to find a clear takeaway from this discussion. I think relevant points are here:

1. Making each other feel respected

2. Finding a time that actually works well for both (i.e. not overly inconvenient times)

3. Saving time scheduling meetings

Some of the suggestions emphasize #1 at the expense of #3 (and possibly #2). E.g., if I send my Calendly and make concrete suggestions, that removes the time-saving aspects because I have to check my calendar and there’s a risk of double-booking (or I have to hold the slots if I want to prevent that).

My current guess is that the following works best: Send the Calendly link, click it yourself briefly to ensure it has a reasonable amount of options in the recipient’s time zone available, and tell the recipient “feel free to just suggest whichever times work best for you.”

Not sure that works for those who are most skeptical/​unhappy about Calendly.

[Kirsten]

That wouldn’t change my feelings, no.

[Jonas V]

Just learned about this, haven’t tried yet, but it claims to solve the problem mentioned here: https://​​savvycal.com/​​

[Kirsten]

Yes that looks better—similar to Outlook’s inbuilt calendar invite system.

[Jonas V]

Update: I’ve tried it and switched away from Calendly. I’m very happy with it so far.