One thing I find important in conversations, particularly if I’m doing them back to back, is writing down action points (eg people I want to introduce them to) as I go. People sometimes think it’s rude to do this on a phone, so probably having a note book with you is the best approach.
Something I struggle with is making sure that I build up enough rapport with a person fast that they will feel comfortable pushing back on things, and in particular bringing up more socially awkward considerations (eg I’ve heard that effective altruists don’t think it’s particularly impactful to get a job doing x but I’ve been working towards that goal for years, and hate the idea of never getting to do it). I’ve found it pretty useful watching other people who are really good at getting on with people meet new people, and seeing what they do that makes people feel quickly at ease. Because I know this is a weak spot of mine, I try after some of my 1-1 conversations to think through whether there was anything in particular that went well/badly on this dimension (I waited a while for them to respond after saying y, rather than bulldozering on...; when I pushed back on z I accidentally got into ‘philosophy debate’ mode rather than friendly discussion mode). I also find reading books that get me to think through these kinds of dynamics useful: I’ve found ‘Charisma Myth’ useful enough to have read it a couple of times, and right now I’m reading ‘Never Split the Difference’. (A lot of these kinds of books sound like they’ll be about getting your own way and persuading people into things they don’t want to do, but they actually spend most of their time on how to make sure you properly hear and understand the person you’re talking to, and help them feel at ease.)
I second the recommendation of “The Charisma Myth”. It’s the best book I’ve ever read on social skills, and on a page-for-page basis is up there with the best blog posts I’ve read on that topic (which is remarkable, considering its length).
Thanks, this seems like a really useful guide!
One thing I find important in conversations, particularly if I’m doing them back to back, is writing down action points (eg people I want to introduce them to) as I go. People sometimes think it’s rude to do this on a phone, so probably having a note book with you is the best approach.
Something I struggle with is making sure that I build up enough rapport with a person fast that they will feel comfortable pushing back on things, and in particular bringing up more socially awkward considerations (eg I’ve heard that effective altruists don’t think it’s particularly impactful to get a job doing x but I’ve been working towards that goal for years, and hate the idea of never getting to do it). I’ve found it pretty useful watching other people who are really good at getting on with people meet new people, and seeing what they do that makes people feel quickly at ease. Because I know this is a weak spot of mine, I try after some of my 1-1 conversations to think through whether there was anything in particular that went well/badly on this dimension (I waited a while for them to respond after saying y, rather than bulldozering on...; when I pushed back on z I accidentally got into ‘philosophy debate’ mode rather than friendly discussion mode). I also find reading books that get me to think through these kinds of dynamics useful: I’ve found ‘Charisma Myth’ useful enough to have read it a couple of times, and right now I’m reading ‘Never Split the Difference’. (A lot of these kinds of books sound like they’ll be about getting your own way and persuading people into things they don’t want to do, but they actually spend most of their time on how to make sure you properly hear and understand the person you’re talking to, and help them feel at ease.)
I second the recommendation of “The Charisma Myth”. It’s the best book I’ve ever read on social skills, and on a page-for-page basis is up there with the best blog posts I’ve read on that topic (which is remarkable, considering its length).
Thanks both for the info—would be interested in links to the best blog posts you’ve read on the topic too!