As the parent of two young children, I was really pleased to see this post on the EA Forum.
I’ll echo the bit about the importance of having support networks. Parenting is really hard in unexpected ways, and having other parents with whom to share your strange hardships is really comforting. (I have so many potty training horror stories that only other parents could possibly appreciate.)
That said, I also think it’s really important to cultivate a support network of non-parent friends. It’s pretty easy (at least for me, especially when I was a stay-home-dad for 18 months) to let your kids become your whole identity. It’s sometimes a relief to talk about anything but my kids, just to remind myself that I’m an independent human with his own thoughts and interests.
In addition to being full of misinformation and pseudo-science, many parenting books also give the false impression that once you reach certain milestones, parenting magically becomes super easy. I remember being convinced that as soon as my kids could sleep through the night, my job was pretty much done. In reality, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night anymore, but the sheer willpower that a 3-year-old can display when he doesn’t want to get dressed for the day is draining in its own unique way.
Contra Michelle’s experience, I did change a bit as a person, sometimes in surprising ways. (For instance, before I had kids I would watch sports for hours on the weekend, and my subjective well-being rose and fell with the fortunes of my favorite teams. For whatever reason, I’ve now completely lost interest in sports, and for the life of me, can’t remember why I spent all those hours glued to the TV.)
One last thing, in case it’s not obvious: parenting can be incredibly rewarding. Earlier this year my 5-year-old daughter donated, of her own volition and without pressure from me, a portion of her allowance to Evidence Action’s Deworm the World Initiative. The pride I felt is pretty close to indescribable. (Obviously I helped her pick the charity, based on her goal to “help kids who aren’t as lucky as I am.”)
Thanks for sharing! Your experience about losing interest in sports is really interesting. I wonder whether part of what’s going on is my baby still only being 10 months. I look forward to knowing what the coming years will bring!
As the parent of two young children, I was really pleased to see this post on the EA Forum.
I’ll echo the bit about the importance of having support networks. Parenting is really hard in unexpected ways, and having other parents with whom to share your strange hardships is really comforting. (I have so many potty training horror stories that only other parents could possibly appreciate.)
That said, I also think it’s really important to cultivate a support network of non-parent friends. It’s pretty easy (at least for me, especially when I was a stay-home-dad for 18 months) to let your kids become your whole identity. It’s sometimes a relief to talk about anything but my kids, just to remind myself that I’m an independent human with his own thoughts and interests.
In addition to being full of misinformation and pseudo-science, many parenting books also give the false impression that once you reach certain milestones, parenting magically becomes super easy. I remember being convinced that as soon as my kids could sleep through the night, my job was pretty much done. In reality, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night anymore, but the sheer willpower that a 3-year-old can display when he doesn’t want to get dressed for the day is draining in its own unique way.
Contra Michelle’s experience, I did change a bit as a person, sometimes in surprising ways. (For instance, before I had kids I would watch sports for hours on the weekend, and my subjective well-being rose and fell with the fortunes of my favorite teams. For whatever reason, I’ve now completely lost interest in sports, and for the life of me, can’t remember why I spent all those hours glued to the TV.)
One last thing, in case it’s not obvious: parenting can be incredibly rewarding. Earlier this year my 5-year-old daughter donated, of her own volition and without pressure from me, a portion of her allowance to Evidence Action’s Deworm the World Initiative. The pride I felt is pretty close to indescribable. (Obviously I helped her pick the charity, based on her goal to “help kids who aren’t as lucky as I am.”)
Thanks for sharing! Your experience about losing interest in sports is really interesting. I wonder whether part of what’s going on is my baby still only being 10 months. I look forward to knowing what the coming years will bring!
Re your last paragraph, I just wanted to drop @jefftk’s (IMO) amazing post here: https://www.jefftk.com/p/candy-for-nets
Yes, that post is fantastic!