I want to apologize to you for some of the things I said in the comments on this post 3 years ago. What you did was much closer to an innocent miscommunication than any of us were willing to admit during peak-woke. I stood up to the pressure to be overly #MeToo about your mistakes more than almost anyone else, but even I made statements that were overly critical of you that I should have known better than to make.
I looked back on the things I said here in response to a current sexual misconduct controversy, and was so disappointed in myself that I have tried to make amends to the community by being braver ina discussion on the current controversy on another post.
I want to especially apologize to you as an early career woman with autism. Communication is confusing, even for neurotypicals. When I make similar mistakes to the ones you made, people treat me with empathy, simply because of my gender and career stage. I should have used that privilege to be braver about standing up for you.
Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. Although I overwhelmingly have myself to blame, I was hurt by this experience; and so itâs a bit cathartic to hear someone saying âsorryâ (even if Iâm not sure you really have anything to apologise for).
I do want to flag that âmiscommunicationâ feels too trivialisingâwhile miscommunication was an important factor, I also had some problematic attitudes around these topics:
I felt attraction (fine), felt bad about feeling attraction (perhaps not ideal but pretty normal and fine), and emotionally cast the people I was attracted to as the legitimate judges of whether I was bad (quite problematic; especially given the power differentials).
Something I dislike about âmiscommunicationâ is that it might be read as suggesting that anyone who had a bad experience interacting with me is equally to blame for that; while I think they might have oriented in ways that would have avoided getting hurt, I think this is better explained primarily in terms of my errors.
(I guess I still have some of the impulse to try to be transparent now things feel less fraught; although I wish Iâd tried less aggressively to be transparent in the past.)
I want to apologize to you for some of the things I said in the comments on this post 3 years ago. What you did was much closer to an innocent miscommunication than any of us were willing to admit during peak-woke. I stood up to the pressure to be overly #MeToo about your mistakes more than almost anyone else, but even I made statements that were overly critical of you that I should have known better than to make.
I looked back on the things I said here in response to a current sexual misconduct controversy, and was so disappointed in myself that I have tried to make amends to the community by being braver ina discussion on the current controversy on another post.
I want to especially apologize to you as an early career woman with autism. Communication is confusing, even for neurotypicals. When I make similar mistakes to the ones you made, people treat me with empathy, simply because of my gender and career stage. I should have used that privilege to be braver about standing up for you.
Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. Although I overwhelmingly have myself to blame, I was hurt by this experience; and so itâs a bit cathartic to hear someone saying âsorryâ (even if Iâm not sure you really have anything to apologise for).
I do want to flag that âmiscommunicationâ feels too trivialisingâwhile miscommunication was an important factor, I also had some problematic attitudes around these topics:
I felt attraction (fine), felt bad about feeling attraction (perhaps not ideal but pretty normal and fine), and emotionally cast the people I was attracted to as the legitimate judges of whether I was bad (quite problematic; especially given the power differentials).
Something I dislike about âmiscommunicationâ is that it might be read as suggesting that anyone who had a bad experience interacting with me is equally to blame for that; while I think they might have oriented in ways that would have avoided getting hurt, I think this is better explained primarily in terms of my errors.
(I guess I still have some of the impulse to try to be transparent now things feel less fraught; although I wish Iâd tried less aggressively to be transparent in the past.)