Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. Although I overwhelmingly have myself to blame, I was hurt by this experience; and so it’s a bit cathartic to hear someone saying “sorry” (even if I’m not sure you really have anything to apologise for).
I do want to flag that “miscommunication” feels too trivialising—while miscommunication was an important factor, I also had some problematic attitudes around these topics:
I felt attraction (fine), felt bad about feeling attraction (perhaps not ideal but pretty normal and fine), and emotionally cast the people I was attracted to as the legitimate judges of whether I was bad (quite problematic; especially given the power differentials).
Something I dislike about “miscommunication” is that it might be read as suggesting that anyone who had a bad experience interacting with me is equally to blame for that; while I think they might have oriented in ways that would have avoided getting hurt, I think this is better explained primarily in terms of my errors.
(I guess I still have some of the impulse to try to be transparent now things feel less fraught; although I wish I’d tried less aggressively to be transparent in the past.)
Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. Although I overwhelmingly have myself to blame, I was hurt by this experience; and so it’s a bit cathartic to hear someone saying “sorry” (even if I’m not sure you really have anything to apologise for).
I do want to flag that “miscommunication” feels too trivialising—while miscommunication was an important factor, I also had some problematic attitudes around these topics:
I felt attraction (fine), felt bad about feeling attraction (perhaps not ideal but pretty normal and fine), and emotionally cast the people I was attracted to as the legitimate judges of whether I was bad (quite problematic; especially given the power differentials).
Something I dislike about “miscommunication” is that it might be read as suggesting that anyone who had a bad experience interacting with me is equally to blame for that; while I think they might have oriented in ways that would have avoided getting hurt, I think this is better explained primarily in terms of my errors.
(I guess I still have some of the impulse to try to be transparent now things feel less fraught; although I wish I’d tried less aggressively to be transparent in the past.)