I think this is the sort of thing that might make sense in the abstract, but that in practice would probably lead to more awkwardness and uncomfortability for many people. Imagine if you’re used to being the person on the receptive end instead of the initiating end. In that case, you may find it uncomfortable to initiate and escalate. But your system may involve this person making the move at every single step. They’d have to be the first to flirt, to ask the other person out, to go for the first kiss, and so on. This feels like it could be compounding uncomfortability for a lot of people who aren’t used to making those sort of moves. I also think asking people to take on roles they’re not used to filling would increase the amount of missed signals, which would increase awkwardness. There might also be confusion about which party should be in which role (what if there’s a higher-status woman and a lower-status man, or if there’s two people who are socially clumsy in different ways).
I think those who like this idea are suggesting a huge and powerful norm. And my pretty huge and pretty powerful norm is being rejected because it would be “awkward and uncomfortable”. I think that misses the point that the original norm is even worse. Again, I sense that a poll of women in EA might reveal that even if we only consider their preferences they aren’t pro “non-neurotypical and high status men in the community cannot have casual sex”. But that’s a guess I could be wrong.
For clarity’s sake, I don’t think “socially clumsy” and “non-neurotypical” are identical. There are plenty of neurotypical people who are socially clumsy, and there are also some non-neurotypical people who are not socially clumsy. People also often change in their social clumsiness (typically from clumsy to not clumsy), and it can depend on context (perhaps two people who are socially clumsy in a similar way would actually find each other to be less socially clumsy). I won’t pretend there’s no correlation to neurotypicality, but I just thought I’d clarify this in case anyone thought I was trying to dog whistle.
Also “cannot have casual sex” is stronger than what I think. I don’t think there should be an explicit ban. I do think people should at least consider the negatives and possibly choose personally to avoid it. I’m somewhat uncertain about my views on a softer norm and I think that may depends more on the specifics.
I think this is the sort of thing that might make sense in the abstract, but that in practice would probably lead to more awkwardness and uncomfortability for many people. Imagine if you’re used to being the person on the receptive end instead of the initiating end. In that case, you may find it uncomfortable to initiate and escalate. But your system may involve this person making the move at every single step. They’d have to be the first to flirt, to ask the other person out, to go for the first kiss, and so on. This feels like it could be compounding uncomfortability for a lot of people who aren’t used to making those sort of moves. I also think asking people to take on roles they’re not used to filling would increase the amount of missed signals, which would increase awkwardness. There might also be confusion about which party should be in which role (what if there’s a higher-status woman and a lower-status man, or if there’s two people who are socially clumsy in different ways).
I feel frustrated. Sign.
I think those who like this idea are suggesting a huge and powerful norm. And my pretty huge and pretty powerful norm is being rejected because it would be “awkward and uncomfortable”. I think that misses the point that the original norm is even worse. Again, I sense that a poll of women in EA might reveal that even if we only consider their preferences they aren’t pro “non-neurotypical and high status men in the community cannot have casual sex”. But that’s a guess I could be wrong.
For clarity’s sake, I don’t think “socially clumsy” and “non-neurotypical” are identical. There are plenty of neurotypical people who are socially clumsy, and there are also some non-neurotypical people who are not socially clumsy. People also often change in their social clumsiness (typically from clumsy to not clumsy), and it can depend on context (perhaps two people who are socially clumsy in a similar way would actually find each other to be less socially clumsy). I won’t pretend there’s no correlation to neurotypicality, but I just thought I’d clarify this in case anyone thought I was trying to dog whistle.
Also “cannot have casual sex” is stronger than what I think. I don’t think there should be an explicit ban. I do think people should at least consider the negatives and possibly choose personally to avoid it. I’m somewhat uncertain about my views on a softer norm and I think that may depends more on the specifics.