“For anyone who has at least 2 of the above traits (such as a heterosexual man who is high status in EA or is socially clumsy), I would strongly recommend considering refraining from sleeping around in the movement.”
Realistically, I think many EAs have a much easier time sleeping around in EA than outside of EA. Unfortunately, this is probably particularly true for people that are high status in EA or socially clumsy.
I would even (tentatively) support the recommendation for ‘at least 1 of the above traits’. And slightly less tentatively for ‘at least 1 of (1) or (2)’. (In the absence of (1) and (2), on its own, (3) doesn’t seem so risky.)
(1) and (3) are also not yes/no variables. OP’s model treats them as such, possibly for ease of conveying the idea. A more complex model would assign points from a range for those variables, and probably adjust the scope of “sleeping around” depending on the total point score.
That might fix edge cases in which one might think the recommendation is too strict for a single yes.
I suspect the ‘edge cases’ illustrate a large part of the general problem: there are a lot of grey areas here, where finding the right course requires a context-specific application of good judgement. E.g. what ‘counts’ as being (too?) high status, or seeking to start a ‘not serious’ (enough?) relationship etc. etc. is often unclear in non-extreme cases—even to the individuals directly involved themselves. I think I agree with most of the factors noted by the OP as being pro tanto cautions, but aliasing them into a bright line classifier for what is or isn’t contraindicated looks generally unsatisfactory.
This residual ambiguity makes life harder, as if you can’t provide a substitute for good judgement, guidance and recommendations (rather than rulings) may not give great prospects for those with poorer or compromised judgement to bootstrap their way to better decisions. The various fudge factors give ample opportunity for motivated reasoning (“I know generally this would be inappropriate, but I license myself to do it in this particular circumstance”), and sexual attraction is not an archetypal precipitant for wisdom and restraint. Third parties weighing in on perceived impropriety may be less self-serving, but potentially more error-prone, and definitely a lot more acrimonious—I doubt many welcome public or public-ish inquiries or criticism upon the intimate details of their personal lives (“Oh yeah? Maybe before you have a go at me you should explain {what you did/what one of your close friends did/rumours about what someone at your org did/etc.}, which was far worse and your silence then makes you a hypocrite for calling me out now.”/ “I don’t recall us signing up to ‘the EA community’, but we definitely didn’t sign up for collective running commentary and ceaseless gossip about our sex lives. Kindly consider us ‘EA-adjacant’ or whatever, and mind your own business”/etc.)
FWIW I have—for quite a while, and in a few different respects—noted that intermingling personal and professional lives is often fraught, and encouraged caution and circumspection for things which narrow the distance between them still further. EA-land can be a chimera of a journal club, a salutatorian model UN, a church youth group, and a swingers party—these aspects are not the most harmonious in concert. There is ample evidence—even more ample recently—that ‘encouraging caution’ or similar doesn’t cut it. I don’t think the OP has the right answer, but I do not have great ideas myself: it is much easier to criticise than do better.
Poll—Agreevote to agree
Do you agree with this recommendation?
“For anyone who has at least 2 of the above traits (such as a heterosexual man who is high status in EA or is socially clumsy), I would strongly recommend considering refraining from sleeping around in the movement.”
I think the recommendation is good even without restricting to people with those categories, but is a bit more applicable to people with them.
I guess I do too, but A) can we do better and B) that’s a shame, cos sleeping around is fun
How much of the fun of sleeping around is retained when limited to doing it with non-EAs?
Feels like that depends on the person. I imagine for some it might reduce by like 20x filor others almost none.
I know this is quite a cold way to talk about something so intimate but it feels relevant. I feel scared doing it though
as a poly person this correlates very strongly with “I would like to be friends with this person”
Realistically, I think many EAs have a much easier time sleeping around in EA than outside of EA. Unfortunately, this is probably particularly true for people that are high status in EA or socially clumsy.
I would even (tentatively) support the recommendation for ‘at least 1 of the above traits’. And slightly less tentatively for ‘at least 1 of (1) or (2)’. (In the absence of (1) and (2), on its own, (3) doesn’t seem so risky.)
(1) and (3) are also not yes/no variables. OP’s model treats them as such, possibly for ease of conveying the idea. A more complex model would assign points from a range for those variables, and probably adjust the scope of “sleeping around” depending on the total point score.
That might fix edge cases in which one might think the recommendation is too strict for a single yes.
I suspect the ‘edge cases’ illustrate a large part of the general problem: there are a lot of grey areas here, where finding the right course requires a context-specific application of good judgement. E.g. what ‘counts’ as being (too?) high status, or seeking to start a ‘not serious’ (enough?) relationship etc. etc. is often unclear in non-extreme cases—even to the individuals directly involved themselves. I think I agree with most of the factors noted by the OP as being pro tanto cautions, but aliasing them into a bright line classifier for what is or isn’t contraindicated looks generally unsatisfactory.
This residual ambiguity makes life harder, as if you can’t provide a substitute for good judgement, guidance and recommendations (rather than rulings) may not give great prospects for those with poorer or compromised judgement to bootstrap their way to better decisions. The various fudge factors give ample opportunity for motivated reasoning (“I know generally this would be inappropriate, but I license myself to do it in this particular circumstance”), and sexual attraction is not an archetypal precipitant for wisdom and restraint. Third parties weighing in on perceived impropriety may be less self-serving, but potentially more error-prone, and definitely a lot more acrimonious—I doubt many welcome public or public-ish inquiries or criticism upon the intimate details of their personal lives (“Oh yeah? Maybe before you have a go at me you should explain {what you did/what one of your close friends did/rumours about what someone at your org did/etc.}, which was far worse and your silence then makes you a hypocrite for calling me out now.”/ “I don’t recall us signing up to ‘the EA community’, but we definitely didn’t sign up for collective running commentary and ceaseless gossip about our sex lives. Kindly consider us ‘EA-adjacant’ or whatever, and mind your own business”/etc.)
FWIW I have—for quite a while, and in a few different respects—noted that intermingling personal and professional lives is often fraught, and encouraged caution and circumspection for things which narrow the distance between them still further. EA-land can be a chimera of a journal club, a salutatorian model UN, a church youth group, and a swingers party—these aspects are not the most harmonious in concert. There is ample evidence—even more ample recently—that ‘encouraging caution’ or similar doesn’t cut it. I don’t think the OP has the right answer, but I do not have great ideas myself: it is much easier to criticise than do better.