Like many people (especially among the rationality-esque circles), I have some amount of sensory processing disorder, and certain types of anti-quietandtidy-nesses are extremely disrupting to me, even though I would like to be compatible with as many people as possible.
e.g. Sniffling more than once in a few minutes will cut through whatever I had my attention on, so I have to avoid sniffling people. But I’m perfectly okay with most nose-blowing, coughing, sneezing, and other typical adult sounds.
I haven’t had enough experience being around children to get a precise guess. I think I’m perfectly compatible with some children instances, but have to avoid most of them, and I’m guessing competently raised children are less likely to be disruptive and so I might be compatible with most of them?
I do not know how to solve this problem, especially because people with SPD often have very different specific issues.
I guess if I were regularly attending a group where some noise Lily or I made was making it impossible for someone else to focus (whether that was me sniffling or her babbling), I’d like us to talk about it and maybe work out a plan (“I’m not especially interested in this talk, but I really want to hear the next one, so I’ll take a walk now and plan to come back in an hour.”)
I agree with Dette that children will make noises, and no amount of parental competence will stop babies from babbling, etc. The understanding of when to be quiet and when it’s okay to be noisy comes much later in childhood, and experimenting with noises is how we all learned to talk.
Thanks for sharing that viewpoint Alice. I would guess the resolving these types of issues largely depend on everybody being clear about their needs and as understanding as possible of other’s needs.
One thing though, is that there are lots of factors other than the parents’ competence that might affect how un-quietandtidy a small person might be on a given day. My daughter is a bit younger than Julia’s, but I’ve already discovered that she might sit quietly through a given situation on one day, but be unsettled and noisy on another. I generally feel quite self-conscious and will remove us both if I think she’s disrupting the event. I don’t think you intended it this way, but saying people’s compatibility with a child is a measure of their parents’ skills makes that kind of feeling much more acute!
What an incredibly unfriendly thing to say 12 months later to somebody you’ve never met in person. Given the context above I’m not sure if you are writing it to say I did not competently parent our child at EAG? The EAG I attended happened 8 months after I wrote that comment. In 8 months young children develop and their needs and behaviour change. What a shock.
Our daughter (14 months old at the time of EAG) was present in the lecture theatre for parts of 2 talks. She did not cry during in any of the lectures. She babbled loudly and I removed her when that happened. For the rest of the conference one of us missed the talks in order to keep her in the hall. I paid the full cost of attending the conference.
Both her parents were there by the way, have you made sure to pass your criticism on to her father?
Like many people (especially among the rationality-esque circles), I have some amount of sensory processing disorder, and certain types of anti-quietandtidy-nesses are extremely disrupting to me, even though I would like to be compatible with as many people as possible.
e.g. Sniffling more than once in a few minutes will cut through whatever I had my attention on, so I have to avoid sniffling people. But I’m perfectly okay with most nose-blowing, coughing, sneezing, and other typical adult sounds.
I haven’t had enough experience being around children to get a precise guess. I think I’m perfectly compatible with some children instances, but have to avoid most of them, and I’m guessing competently raised children are less likely to be disruptive and so I might be compatible with most of them?
I do not know how to solve this problem, especially because people with SPD often have very different specific issues.
Thanks—that’s helpful to add.
I guess if I were regularly attending a group where some noise Lily or I made was making it impossible for someone else to focus (whether that was me sniffling or her babbling), I’d like us to talk about it and maybe work out a plan (“I’m not especially interested in this talk, but I really want to hear the next one, so I’ll take a walk now and plan to come back in an hour.”)
I agree with Dette that children will make noises, and no amount of parental competence will stop babies from babbling, etc. The understanding of when to be quiet and when it’s okay to be noisy comes much later in childhood, and experimenting with noises is how we all learned to talk.
Thanks for sharing that viewpoint Alice. I would guess the resolving these types of issues largely depend on everybody being clear about their needs and as understanding as possible of other’s needs.
One thing though, is that there are lots of factors other than the parents’ competence that might affect how un-quietandtidy a small person might be on a given day. My daughter is a bit younger than Julia’s, but I’ve already discovered that she might sit quietly through a given situation on one day, but be unsettled and noisy on another. I generally feel quite self-conscious and will remove us both if I think she’s disrupting the event. I don’t think you intended it this way, but saying people’s compatibility with a child is a measure of their parents’ skills makes that kind of feeling much more acute!
One of the few things I remember about EA Global, through my haze of jet lag, was how much your baby screamed during the talks.
What an incredibly unfriendly thing to say 12 months later to somebody you’ve never met in person. Given the context above I’m not sure if you are writing it to say I did not competently parent our child at EAG? The EAG I attended happened 8 months after I wrote that comment. In 8 months young children develop and their needs and behaviour change. What a shock.
Our daughter (14 months old at the time of EAG) was present in the lecture theatre for parts of 2 talks. She did not cry during in any of the lectures. She babbled loudly and I removed her when that happened. For the rest of the conference one of us missed the talks in order to keep her in the hall. I paid the full cost of attending the conference.
Both her parents were there by the way, have you made sure to pass your criticism on to her father?