I agree that giving feedback to your closest friends is a good thing! I don’t like the term “brutal honesty”, though, for two reasons:
1 gentle honesty is almost always better if you’re sharing something tough to hear
2 the most important messages are often actually positive ones! people sometimes don’t realize they’d be qualified for a particular job or could try a new path towards their goals
I think almost all of the time*, you can give your feedback in a way that says “I care about you and your goals,” and that will often be appreciated.
*if you’re skilled enough—it takes a lot of practice!!
I agree that gentle honesty usually > brutal honesty! I agree that this is important and some people would actually do better by giving (negative) feedback less often and more carefully. Thanks for clarifying!
I just wanted to ask for brutal honesty for me specifically because I wanted to lower the amount of effort necessary to give me feedback and push towards clarity whenever there’s a trade-off between clarity and being gentle—but just for giving feedback to me in particular. I don’t endorse universally doing that for everyone.
Agreed. It is possible to communicate with a very high level of honesty/candor/frankness, and to still involve kindness, respect, dignity, etc. Good communication is a skill, and when giving feedback (especially unsolicited feedback!) it is massively helpful.
I agree that giving feedback to your closest friends is a good thing! I don’t like the term “brutal honesty”, though, for two reasons:
1 gentle honesty is almost always better if you’re sharing something tough to hear 2 the most important messages are often actually positive ones! people sometimes don’t realize they’d be qualified for a particular job or could try a new path towards their goals
I think almost all of the time*, you can give your feedback in a way that says “I care about you and your goals,” and that will often be appreciated.
*if you’re skilled enough—it takes a lot of practice!!
I agree that gentle honesty usually > brutal honesty! I agree that this is important and some people would actually do better by giving (negative) feedback less often and more carefully. Thanks for clarifying!
I just wanted to ask for brutal honesty for me specifically because I wanted to lower the amount of effort necessary to give me feedback and push towards clarity whenever there’s a trade-off between clarity and being gentle—but just for giving feedback to me in particular. I don’t endorse universally doing that for everyone.
This is well put.
Agreed. It is possible to communicate with a very high level of honesty/candor/frankness, and to still involve kindness, respect, dignity, etc. Good communication is a skill, and when giving feedback (especially unsolicited feedback!) it is massively helpful.