I edited the post because I don’t want this to distract from the larger message. A few points:
1) The recent TIME article argues that a lot of the misconduct and harassment is related to polyamory in EA. A few quotes:
Three times in one year, she says, men at informal EA gatherings tried to convince her to join these so-called “polycules.” When Gopalakrishnan said she wasn’t interested, she recalls, they would “shame” her or try to pressure her, casting monogamy as a lifestyle governed by jealousy, and polyamory as a more enlightened and rational approach.
Several of the women who spoke to TIME said that the popularity of polyamory within EA fosters an environment in which men—often men who control career opportunities–feel empowered to recruit younger women into uncomfortable sexual relationships.
I’m not saying people can never consent to having multiple partners, but this is not okay. People should not feel pressured into lifestyle choices like these. There needs to be a place in EA for people who want to buy malaria nets and want nothing to do with Berkeley polycules.
2) Keep in mind that these analogies risk trivializing the oppression that the LGBTQ+ community has faced. Gay and queer individuals have faced and continue to face massive discrimination, and being gay is never a choice.
Keep in mind that these analogies risk trivializing the oppression that the LGBTQ+ community has faced. Gay and queer individuals have faced and continue to face massive discrimination, and being gay is never a choice.
As a gay person I really strongly object to this. I think it’s quite clear that in most of the modern US, being poly is significantly weirder and puts you more at risk of discrimination (e.g. of issues at work or with your family, or of having your partners recognised by the law) than being gay.
This is classic “oppression olympics” of a style that I think is nearly always counterproductive.
(NB: I actually agree that Bay Area poly culture is probably a contributing factor to a lot of the recent allegations and broader cultural issues, and that people in that culture need to take that possibility really seriously and think carefully about possibilities for change. I don’t think that legitimizes general anti-poly discrimination or derogatory language.)
Why would you take the TIME article at face value on this?
It doesn’t even get the language right. I’m poly, and I have never once heard people talk about “joining a polycule” as the thing someone chooses to do. That’s not how it works. You choose to date someone. “Polycule” just describes the set of people who you are dating, who your partner(s) are dating, who their partner(s) are dating, and so on. Dating someone doesn’t imply anything about how you have to relate to your metamours, much less people farther distant in the polycule. Sometimes you may never even know the full extent of your polycule.
I don’t know of a single poly person who would approve of the dynamic that the TIME article seems to describe, or any reason to think it is an accurate description of how EA works. Of course you shouldn’t shame people into dating you. Of course you shouldn’t leverage professional power for sexual benefit. Of course it’s good to be an EA and buy bed nets whether you are poly or monogomous. Nobody that I know of, poly or monogomous, disagrees with this. The fact that you think poly people do is what shows your prejudice. I suggest you try getting to know a poly person, talk to a poly person about their relationship(s), before opening your mouth on the subject again.
I edited the post because I don’t want this to distract from the larger message. A few points:
1) The recent TIME article argues that a lot of the misconduct and harassment is related to polyamory in EA. A few quotes:
I’m not saying people can never consent to having multiple partners, but this is not okay. People should not feel pressured into lifestyle choices like these. There needs to be a place in EA for people who want to buy malaria nets and want nothing to do with Berkeley polycules.
2) Keep in mind that these analogies risk trivializing the oppression that the LGBTQ+ community has faced. Gay and queer individuals have faced and continue to face massive discrimination, and being gay is never a choice.
As a gay person I really strongly object to this. I think it’s quite clear that in most of the modern US, being poly is significantly weirder and puts you more at risk of discrimination (e.g. of issues at work or with your family, or of having your partners recognised by the law) than being gay.
This is classic “oppression olympics” of a style that I think is nearly always counterproductive.
(NB: I actually agree that Bay Area poly culture is probably a contributing factor to a lot of the recent allegations and broader cultural issues, and that people in that culture need to take that possibility really seriously and think carefully about possibilities for change. I don’t think that legitimizes general anti-poly discrimination or derogatory language.)
Why would you take the TIME article at face value on this?
It doesn’t even get the language right. I’m poly, and I have never once heard people talk about “joining a polycule” as the thing someone chooses to do. That’s not how it works. You choose to date someone. “Polycule” just describes the set of people who you are dating, who your partner(s) are dating, who their partner(s) are dating, and so on. Dating someone doesn’t imply anything about how you have to relate to your metamours, much less people farther distant in the polycule. Sometimes you may never even know the full extent of your polycule.
I don’t know of a single poly person who would approve of the dynamic that the TIME article seems to describe, or any reason to think it is an accurate description of how EA works. Of course you shouldn’t shame people into dating you. Of course you shouldn’t leverage professional power for sexual benefit. Of course it’s good to be an EA and buy bed nets whether you are poly or monogomous. Nobody that I know of, poly or monogomous, disagrees with this. The fact that you think poly people do is what shows your prejudice. I suggest you try getting to know a poly person, talk to a poly person about their relationship(s), before opening your mouth on the subject again.