But I’m a polyamorous EA, and I’m frustrated that I’m now associated with predatory polyamorous rationalists too. Their comment didn’t make a claim that the association was right to make, or even that that cohort even exists, just that that association is happening.
I think the line is a bit better if you replace rationalists with pseudo-rationalists and tech-bros though.
[Edit: I think using the terms “bigoted language” or “appears bigoted” would have been better choices than “is bigoted”. I think you want to be very careful to avoid misunderstandings that you are calling the person bigoted. I realize that quoting the phrase implied that bigoted is referencing the language (not necessarily the person), but if you think someone is using imprecise language, that should make you update that your conversation partner is more likely to misunderstand your own language. Just as you want someone to speak extra-carefully about sexual predators, we can all speak extra-carefully about bigotry etc by throwing in some more qualifiers]
“I’m now associated with predatory polyamorous rationalists.” doesn’t explicitly assert that all poly people are predatory, but it does read to me similar to “I’m now associated with predatory gay rationalists.” The implication is that it’s gross to be associated with poly people, just as it’s gross to be associated with predators. (“This is not what I signed up for. ”) And the implication is that polyamory and predatory behavior are a sort of package deal.
Compare, for example, “I’m now associated with greedy Jewish EAs” or “I’m now associated with smelly autistic gamers”. Are these explicitly asserting that all Jews are greedy, or that all autistic people are smelly? No, but I get the message loud and clear. OP is not being subtle here regarding what they think of polyamorous people.
Yeah I guess that’s probably the normal assumption, and likely what was meant. To me I’d think of the sentence for a gay person as more like “I’m now associated with Jeffrey Dahmer” or “I’m now associated with groomers”. Like that could totally be said in a gay space, and the sentence doesn’t require qualifiers of “not all gay people”, by virtue of being said in a gay-friendly space.
But yeah I guess this case doesn’t hold if someone who isn’t poly says it. And the majority of EAs are monogamous, likely OP too.
This thread is helping me realize that I’m still assuming that EAs aren’t judging poly people here, and that the EA Forum is still a safe space for poly people. I’ll keep this potential blindspot in my mind but keep giving benefit of the doubt for now. It’s not productive for me right now that I feel alienated regarding poly.
To be clear, I’m not making a claim about what EA-at-large feels. EA could be overall welcoming to poly people, and there still be occasional “poly people are gross” posts on the EA Forum (that end up at +0 ish karma rather than +100 ish karma). I just do think that “poly people are gross” is one part of what this post was expressing.
But I’m a polyamorous EA, and I’m frustrated that I’m now associated with predatory polyamorous rationalists too. Their comment didn’t make a claim that the association was right to make, or even that that cohort even exists, just that that association is happening.
I think the line is a bit better if you replace rationalists with pseudo-rationalists and tech-bros though.
[Edit: I think using the terms “bigoted language” or “appears bigoted” would have been better choices than “is bigoted”. I think you want to be very careful to avoid misunderstandings that you are calling the person bigoted. I realize that quoting the phrase implied that bigoted is referencing the language (not necessarily the person), but if you think someone is using imprecise language, that should make you update that your conversation partner is more likely to misunderstand your own language. Just as you want someone to speak extra-carefully about sexual predators, we can all speak extra-carefully about bigotry etc by throwing in some more qualifiers]
“I’m now associated with predatory polyamorous rationalists.” doesn’t explicitly assert that all poly people are predatory, but it does read to me similar to “I’m now associated with predatory gay rationalists.” The implication is that it’s gross to be associated with poly people, just as it’s gross to be associated with predators. (“This is not what I signed up for. ”) And the implication is that polyamory and predatory behavior are a sort of package deal.
Compare, for example, “I’m now associated with greedy Jewish EAs” or “I’m now associated with smelly autistic gamers”. Are these explicitly asserting that all Jews are greedy, or that all autistic people are smelly? No, but I get the message loud and clear. OP is not being subtle here regarding what they think of polyamorous people.
Yeah I guess that’s probably the normal assumption, and likely what was meant. To me I’d think of the sentence for a gay person as more like “I’m now associated with Jeffrey Dahmer” or “I’m now associated with groomers”. Like that could totally be said in a gay space, and the sentence doesn’t require qualifiers of “not all gay people”, by virtue of being said in a gay-friendly space.
But yeah I guess this case doesn’t hold if someone who isn’t poly says it. And the majority of EAs are monogamous, likely OP too.
This thread is helping me realize that I’m still assuming that EAs aren’t judging poly people here, and that the EA Forum is still a safe space for poly people. I’ll keep this potential blindspot in my mind but keep giving benefit of the doubt for now. It’s not productive for me right now that I feel alienated regarding poly.
❤️
To be clear, I’m not making a claim about what EA-at-large feels. EA could be overall welcoming to poly people, and there still be occasional “poly people are gross” posts on the EA Forum (that end up at +0 ish karma rather than +100 ish karma). I just do think that “poly people are gross” is one part of what this post was expressing.
For anybody who wants more on this precise subject, check out Cat Couplings Revisited.
(Full disclosure: am polyamorous rationalist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
I have been trying to find this post and the older one for a few weeks now, but I couldn’t remember the term — thanks so much for linking it.
Thanks I’m glad I have language for this now