Since you asked for feedback, here’s a little suggestion, take it or leave it: I found a couple things at the end slightly out-of-place, in particular “If you choose to tackle the problem of nuclear security, what angle can you attack the problem from that will give you the most fulfillment?” and “Do any problems present even bigger risks than nuclear war?”
Immediately after such an experience, I think the narrator would not be thinking about option of not bothering to work on nuclear security because other causes are more important, nor thinking about their own fulfillment. If other causes came to mind, I imagine it would be along the lines of “if I somehow manage to stop the nuclear war, what other potential catastrophes are waiting in the wings, ready to strike anytime in the months and years after that—and this time with no reset button?”
Or if you want it to fit better as written now, then shortly after the narrator snaps back to age 18 the text could say something along the lines of “You know about chaos theory and the butterfly effect; this will be a new re-roll of history, and there might not be a nuclear war this time around. Maybe last time was a fluke?” Then that might remove some of the single-minded urgency that I would otherwise expect the narrator to feel, and thus it would become a bit more plausible that the narrator might work on pandemics or whatever.
(Maybe that “new re-roll of history” idea is what you had in mind? Whereas I was imagining the Groundhog Day / Edge of Tomorrow / Terminator trope where the narrator knows 100% for sure that there will be a nuclear war on this specific hour of this specific day, if the narrator doesn’t heroically stop it.)
Fantastic comments, thank you! I included the bit about personal fulfillment because it’s such an important component of being able to sustain an effective career long term, but in retrospect I was so focused on including as many EA ideas as I could that I didn’t notice how out of place that sentiment is at that point in the story. I removed both that sentence and the one about more important causes, and I added a variant of your suggested replacement sentence.
I am a writer (though not a published one) and I second his judgement. I felt brief disquiet at the line he commented on, but didn’t analyze it until I read his post because the story as a whole had still worked very well for me. I think the change makes a good story better, and I thank both Steve for suggesting it and Joshua for implementing it.
I really liked this!!!
Since you asked for feedback, here’s a little suggestion, take it or leave it: I found a couple things at the end slightly out-of-place, in particular “If you choose to tackle the problem of nuclear security, what angle can you attack the problem from that will give you the most fulfillment?” and “Do any problems present even bigger risks than nuclear war?”
Immediately after such an experience, I think the narrator would not be thinking about option of not bothering to work on nuclear security because other causes are more important, nor thinking about their own fulfillment. If other causes came to mind, I imagine it would be along the lines of “if I somehow manage to stop the nuclear war, what other potential catastrophes are waiting in the wings, ready to strike anytime in the months and years after that—and this time with no reset button?”
Or if you want it to fit better as written now, then shortly after the narrator snaps back to age 18 the text could say something along the lines of “You know about chaos theory and the butterfly effect; this will be a new re-roll of history, and there might not be a nuclear war this time around. Maybe last time was a fluke?” Then that might remove some of the single-minded urgency that I would otherwise expect the narrator to feel, and thus it would become a bit more plausible that the narrator might work on pandemics or whatever.
(Maybe that “new re-roll of history” idea is what you had in mind? Whereas I was imagining the Groundhog Day / Edge of Tomorrow / Terminator trope where the narrator knows 100% for sure that there will be a nuclear war on this specific hour of this specific day, if the narrator doesn’t heroically stop it.)
(I’m not a writer, don’t trust my judgment.)
Fantastic comments, thank you! I included the bit about personal fulfillment because it’s such an important component of being able to sustain an effective career long term, but in retrospect I was so focused on including as many EA ideas as I could that I didn’t notice how out of place that sentiment is at that point in the story. I removed both that sentence and the one about more important causes, and I added a variant of your suggested replacement sentence.
I am a writer (though not a published one) and I second his judgement. I felt brief disquiet at the line he commented on, but didn’t analyze it until I read his post because the story as a whole had still worked very well for me. I think the change makes a good story better, and I thank both Steve for suggesting it and Joshua for implementing it.