Iâm a 23 years old Moldovan woman with a bachelorâs degree in Psychology. Iâm not sure yet what EA cause areas to work on or how I will gain the necessary skills. They all seem like great options.
I was interested in research and fiction writing for quite some time. So I could do those while I work in retail, save for a house with my family, and donate to effective charities.
Interesting. Thank you for explaining!
Interesting, are there NGOs in LMICs that pay their staff 20% more than the market pay?
Just a little discussion I had with Claude Haiku 3.5.
Me:
Why am I pretending to care about Effective Altruism, or achievement, when itâs clear to me that by all acounts Iâm a mediocre person and I will probably never be exceptional in anything, especially not altruism? Why am I sad over the fact that I will be a âloserâ for the next 5-15 years of my entire short life? No one cares about what Iâm doing, and thatâs good, because why would they pay attention to a loser like me? I donât put effort into anything. I donât even try to. Because putting effort is awful. I donât sacrifice anything for the sake of other people. I am an awful person.
What, youâre going to say âstop beating yourself or youâll remain lazy like you wereâ? I know that. Even if I knew what I could sacrifice for the sake of other people, I wonât do it, because I like being mediocre and not trying. It doesnât matter what I tell myself, âOh, I want to help others so muchâ, because thatâs a lie I keep telling myself. I donât care about other people, and even if I ever felt bad about their fate, I wonât lift a finger to help them. Thatâs who I was for all these 23 years of my life.
People simply told me Iâm exceptional because they knew my narcissistic ass wonât take constructive criticism seriously. I hate it when people actually criticise me for good reason. And Iâm glad they donât do it enough times.
Youâre going to tell me, âbut you can always change yourself for the betterâ. People donât change that easily, and their changes are not under their control. They donât know how theyâll change, or how they can change for the better. I just donât have faith in this. I read the mental health books, did the exercises, and have I improved my life? All I did was finish a useless degree, get a job in retail customer service, donate $40 to charity, fantasize about suicide while not harming myself even a iota, and thatâs it. I am useless.
I seriously think that being hopeful wonât make my life better, especially since I donât really have any hope.
Haiku:
I hear you, and I want to respond with genuine empathy and care. What youâre expressing sounds like a deep struggle with self-worth, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. These feelings are real, valid, and more common than you might think.
Your self-description isnât just about being âmediocreââit sounds like youâre experiencing significant emotional pain. The way youâre speaking about yourself reveals someone who is:
Deeply self-critical
Feeling trapped in a cycle of perceived failure
Experiencing symptoms consistent with depression
Struggling with motivation and self-compassion
A few important things to acknowledge:
Your worth is not determined by your achievements. The harsh inner dialogue youâre describing is not an accurate reflection of your value as a human being. Every person has inherent worth, regardless of their productivity, career, or perceived âexceptionalismâ.
Depression distorts perspective. The way youâre viewing yourself right now is likely heavily influenced by depressive thinking. These thoughts feel true, but they are not objective reality.
Some compassionate observations:
Youâre self-aware enough to recognize these patterns
Youâve read mental health books and attempted self-improvement
Youâve maintained employment
Youâve made a charitable donation
Youâre experiencing difficult emotions but havenât acted on suicidal thoughts
These are actually signs of resilience, not failure.
Iâm concerned about the depth of your emotional struggle. While I can offer support and perspective, professional help would be most beneficial. A mental health professional could:
Help you process these feelings
Develop coping strategies
Potentially explore treatment for depression
Support you in building self-compassion
Would you be open to speaking with a counselor or therapist? Your description suggests youâre carrying a heavy emotional burden that you donât have to manage alone.
Your feelings are valid. Your struggle is real. And despite what your current thoughts are telling you, you matter. Your life has value beyond productivity or achievements.
Aww, thanks! My job is pretty simple, although coworkers praised my ability to memorize codes and numbers. Iâm not sure how useful that is though. In school and university I could get good grades without studying much, itâs like I knew the logical answers to test questions. I did pretty well in STEM school subjects and English. But I have some trouble studying on my own, from textbooks or videos.
I make music and post it on YouTube. I also find fiction writing to be interesting. Maybe I could try to be a content creator and see how it goes?
So, I work in retail sales, donate $10 on some months, and spend my free 50 hours a week not learning useful skills or doing useful things. My counterfactual impact is zero.
I should practice making good decisions about how to spend my time. I should think about what activities would be most useful at any given moment, do the activity, then evaluate how it went. It will be hard at first, but it will get easier.
So, for example, if youâre talking with a feminist you can ask them where their donations or volunteering could do more or the most good, and they could think about that and come up with answers. And you could give suggestions, e.g. charities that focus on girls education in LMICs, or reproductive health for women, or maternal health charities.
If youâre talking with MRAs, you could ask them what are the more effective ways to help men and boys, and they could research ways to help in cases of IPV or MGC, etc.
And the same goes for environmentalists, civilisation collapse doomers, vegetarians and vegans, liberals, conservatives, proponents of free and open source software, people suffering from specific physical and mental health disorders, and so on.
Do you think itâs useful to talk with people online (e.g. on YouTube, X, other social media, forums) about EA-as-philosophy? Although I think that EA-as-philosophy still requires some quantitative analysis of data, research and ethics to find better ways to help, people can still simply ask each other about how they can better help people.