I’ve felt quite saddened and distressed by this post. I deeply agree that it is right and beneficial to be more careful, restrained and generally err on the side of caution in romancing/dating, when there are work or power imbalance considerations.
But at the same time (in section “What I mean by sleeping around”), this post presents views that are in line with contemporary mainstream norms of sex-negativity and soft poliphobia . To quote the post itself:
We obviously don’t want to simply unquestionably accept all of society’s norms [footnote: Historic stigmatisation of LGBT people and relationships is one example of why not]
And I think presenting romancing/sex as something negative or potentially negative, unless it happens in a monogamous and serious relationship (or in setting intentioned for leading to one) is unfortunately similar way of stigmatisation.
I’m sorry you feel that way. For clarity’s sake, I don’t think sex is “bad”, but instead that it is often “messy”, and that there are costs with messiness within the community. I think at the very least, more people should consider the potential messiness here in their personal decisions. And while I think there can be large messiness involved in being polyamorous with multiple people from within the same tight-knight community, I don’t think the post is as harsh towards polyamory/nonmonogamy as your comment suggests.
tbh I’m not exactly sure you … understand poly culture here? like it feels like you have primary relationships filed under “serious” relationships and secondary relationships filed under “unserious” which like … doesn’t really get it imo
for me “good friends and people who i’d like to be friends with” is pretty closely correlated with “people i’d go out of my way to hook up with” and it feels like you have decided that a for me is an normal human way to show affection is off limits or inadvisable?
i think there’s a third thing that’s kind of reasonable to object to which is guys in EA hitting on women in EA for no more reason than that they are women in EA, which is fair enough.
I’ve felt quite saddened and distressed by this post. I deeply agree that it is right and beneficial to be more careful, restrained and generally err on the side of caution in romancing/dating, when there are work or power imbalance considerations.
But at the same time (in section “What I mean by sleeping around”), this post presents views that are in line with contemporary mainstream norms of sex-negativity and soft poliphobia . To quote the post itself:
And I think presenting romancing/sex as something negative or potentially negative, unless it happens in a monogamous and serious relationship (or in setting intentioned for leading to one) is unfortunately similar way of stigmatisation.
I’m sorry you feel that way. For clarity’s sake, I don’t think sex is “bad”, but instead that it is often “messy”, and that there are costs with messiness within the community. I think at the very least, more people should consider the potential messiness here in their personal decisions. And while I think there can be large messiness involved in being polyamorous with multiple people from within the same tight-knight community, I don’t think the post is as harsh towards polyamory/nonmonogamy as your comment suggests.
tbh I’m not exactly sure you … understand poly culture here?
like it feels like you have primary relationships filed under “serious” relationships and secondary relationships filed under “unserious” which like … doesn’t really get it imo
for me “good friends and people who i’d like to be friends with” is pretty closely correlated with “people i’d go out of my way to hook up with” and it feels like you have decided that a for me is an normal human way to show affection is off limits or inadvisable?
i think there’s a third thing that’s kind of reasonable to object to which is guys in EA hitting on women in EA for no more reason than that they are women in EA, which is fair enough.
I agree with your points on poly culture. However, I find the suggestion that guys need “a good reason” to hit on women a bit bizarre.
It makes sense to me—are you hitting on a given woman because you’re into them specifically, or just because you’re like ’woman: ✅, EA: ✅’
we gatekeeping romantic attraction now?
i mean i don’t really understand baseline male sexuality but like, you should be genuinely curious as to what’s in someone’s head to do this?
idk?
I think the best way to think about it is that the typical male’s sexual desire is axiomatic.
I guess, can you suggest a better way of guidelines. I’m certain that some exist.