It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t offering my baby to young men because I didn’t perceive them as good/experienced with children, but that the reason they weren’t experienced with children is that nobody hands them babies. So I’ve tried to offer her to a group of people in general (“If anybody wants to hold Lily, she’s available”) without either pinning down the women or excluding the men.
If you don’t like being the default childcare provider (I wouldn’t!), this seems like a good conversation to have with the group. I bet a lot of people haven’t noticed the dynamic.
That’s a good point. Though as a guy I generally feel it would be seen as weird for me to request to hold someone else’s baby, especially if there are a bunch of girls around. As such I normally end up missing the opportunity, even though I’d like to.
Take the opportunity! As a girl, it’s not that I WANT to take the child, it’s that other people rarely step forward, and I think the parents deserve some time to participate.
It’s totally not weird for a guy to take the baby. Children are pretty hardy. You’re unlikely to break one. Parents are usually pretty expert at calming their kids down, so if something DOES happen, you have a parent right there.
(Note: Currently I’m the nanny to the only child who ever comes to meetups, and I’m fine with being the person responsible for taking THAT SPECIFIC baby for a bit, because I know I’m going to have a much easier time with him than anyone else. My comments are in regards to other instances.)
Thanks—that’s a good point.
It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t offering my baby to young men because I didn’t perceive them as good/experienced with children, but that the reason they weren’t experienced with children is that nobody hands them babies. So I’ve tried to offer her to a group of people in general (“If anybody wants to hold Lily, she’s available”) without either pinning down the women or excluding the men.
If you don’t like being the default childcare provider (I wouldn’t!), this seems like a good conversation to have with the group. I bet a lot of people haven’t noticed the dynamic.
That’s a good point. Though as a guy I generally feel it would be seen as weird for me to request to hold someone else’s baby, especially if there are a bunch of girls around. As such I normally end up missing the opportunity, even though I’d like to.
Take the opportunity! As a girl, it’s not that I WANT to take the child, it’s that other people rarely step forward, and I think the parents deserve some time to participate.
It’s totally not weird for a guy to take the baby. Children are pretty hardy. You’re unlikely to break one. Parents are usually pretty expert at calming their kids down, so if something DOES happen, you have a parent right there.
(Note: Currently I’m the nanny to the only child who ever comes to meetups, and I’m fine with being the person responsible for taking THAT SPECIFIC baby for a bit, because I know I’m going to have a much easier time with him than anyone else. My comments are in regards to other instances.)