Do you think it’s possible that some amount of the behaviour I did would be acceptable in other spaces? eg is there any choice at all in EA norms, or is there sort of a rule of the universe about where community norms should be and my behaviour very likely crosses that line everywhere.
I guess I do think it’s more that some behaviour was unacceptable, some was marginal and some was bad for EA but would have been fine in other places. Or at the very least I was (and am) confused that it upset people (and tends to upset EAs much more than other friends).
Having thought a bit more about this, maybe “listen. listen. listen”. I think I’m often incurious about the feelings of others, perhaps because I don’t really expect myself to understand what upset them. Easier for me, sometimes to come up with a hard and fast rule “ask before you touch people” “don’t flirt at this event” than to really get it.
I guess I could just pay a lot more attention to why people are upset in the first place. And perhaps sort of give up on really understanding in order to just listen. That’s my current approach anyway.