Why I care so much about Diversity, Equity and Inclusion in EA

“Dude!” Bob panted, horror written all over his face as he scrambled back up the driveway and towards the main road where we were waiting. His breaths came hard and fast. “He aimed a fucking shotgun at me!” Sweat had formed droplets across his forehead, maybe due to his sprint, or maybe due to the terror he must surely feel. I stood there, unsure if it was his crazy run or the scare that had him looking like this.

Our road trip had turned into something out of a horror movie. Our car broke down in the middle of nowhere, leaving us stranded with a coolant leak. We found ourselves at the closest house, hoping for some water to replace the leaked coolant.

“Hey Ulrik, why don’t you try to go back there and ask for water,” Bob said, as if he hadn’t just dodged a bullet. His suggestion hit me like a ton of bricks.

Was he joking? He had just been threatened, and now he wanted me to look down the barrel of that shotgun? “But… You just said they almost shot you?” I couldn’t hide my shock and fear.

“Come on, Ulrik… You’re white!” I felt the ground shifting under my feet, as the lens through which I viewed the world was replaced with a new, much thicker and darker one, one that made everything look uncannily foreign to me.

True story of my life, as far as I can recall (my memory might have exaggerated it a bit). That said, even if it was to be completely fabricated, it still does not detract from the points I will make below.

The story is just one of many opportunities I have been privileged to have, getting a small peek into the lived experiences of my PoC, female, gay, and/​or friends with disabilities. I am mentioning this story both to make this more interesting to read, but also so you can understand better why I feel like I feel about DEI.

Let me give you another example of the kind of experiences I have had and the type of environments I am used to navigating: I used to work for a renewables consultancy in Bristol, UK. It was a super social workplace, lots of pub visits, and attending lots of parties with colleagues on the weekends. And I brought my female and PoC friends along to many of these events and it just felt really nice. My colleagues were so welcoming, tactful and respectful despite having lots of fun. Never, once, did an incident occur where it got awkward due to some “DEI-type incident”. I felt completely safe bringing any of my friends or family there: I knew my friends would also feel safe and welcome, which made me feel safe and welcome too.

If that sounds like magic to you—“how can so many different people get along so well?!?!”—then perhaps it is helpful to explain how I navigate in such diverse settings, mostly using an example of my whiteness. I think the way I act in diverse social settings might also let you understand why I have high expectations of others when it comes to “DEI behavior”.

When I am interacting with a person of color (PoC), I am aware that their entire life experience is probably littered with similar, if perhaps not as extreme, experiences as the one Bob had in the vignette, above. I can further imagine that such frequent and repeated experiences of how one does not belong, or is not qualified or whatever the feeling they derived was, has created certain, strong emotional associations. So my friend Bob from the story above would probably get nervous about walking up to a random house (e.g. as part of some AI policy canvassing initiative in a state with lax gun laws) or perhaps might feel some discomfort of attending an all-white event, especially if they suspect that some, maybe most of the attendants are actively engaging in online discussions about genetic enhancement of PoC in poor countries between themselves.

This means that I try, often unsuccessfully, to check myself for any actions I can take that might trigger any such discomforts, whenever I might not be talking to a white, het cis and able-bodied man, online or offline. Obvious things to NOT do include but is far from limited to:

  • Commenting on someone’s visible disability

  • Making any action that can be related to how a person displays their gender

  • Commenting on or inquiring about someone’s background (this one is a bit more complicated)

“Ok Ulrik, excellent action-grabbing shotgun vignette and reasonable points—can you please get to the EA part?“

In my experience, this type of triggering behavior by men and white folks is widespread in EA. And it makes my blood boil.

As I hinted at above, I come from this super privileged background, having lived in 6 different countries and have a generally super international, cosmopolitan, elite and third culture kid vibe circle of friends. But me being used to hanging out in these environments has set my expectations somewhat high: For example, I expect that when I bring a friend who is PoC to a party, that they will feel welcome there. I expect any discussion of politics or questions about people’s background to be sensitive and complying to certain unwritten codes of conduct in cosmopolitan, elitist circles.

A few examples of my bad experiences in EA (and this is from me generally steering clear of EA events because I have been disappointed so many times now):

  • I brought my significant other (SO) to an EA party and another guest kept on commenting awkwardly and rudely on the height difference between my SO and I

  • In another of my encounters with EA, another EA asked where a non-EA PoC (also present) was from. When the EA was told “Sweden” (which was true, birth, citizenship and fluency in Swedish) the EA pressed on wanting to know where the PoC was really from

  • At the only EAG I attended, and to almost the first PoC I talked to there, I was told this EA PoC was during one of the first EA events they attended asked by another EA where they came from and this EA PoC subsequently had a very rough “onboarding” into EA in large parts due to this incident

  • EAF posts on eugenics (e.g. posts like this by white people on eugenics in poor, non-white countries)

  • Of course all the Bostrom emails, inappropriate sexual behavior and what not

And I understand that many EAs have not been as privileged as me in terms of diversity of experience and I try to have compassion for this as well. You could probably even argue that my elitism is a form of discrimination I project onto EAs of lower socioeconomic status and you might be right. This is why I try as much as possible to approach this subject with humility, patience and empathy. But please forgive me for slipping up as I assuredly will—I get quite worked up around this because these patterns of behavior affect so many people close to me. And this post is not meant to be inoffensive—it is an attempt to describe how I feel and thus, I must be honest.

Quite frankly I am embarrassed to be an EA and afraid to bring people close to me to EA events. But I know of no better alternatives to EA, and there are many fantastic EAs who get me and I would feel safe bringing them home to hang out with my friends and family.

Bored of my rant? Ok, time for another of Ulrik’s life stories then:

Perched on the edge of my seat aboard a flight, possibly from Berlin to Stockholm, I found myself beside a man who seemed like he’d stepped right out of a Hollywood thriller. With a long beard, traditional Arab headgear, and a flowing white robe, he fit the stereotype of a movie’s Muslim terrorist antagonist to a tee. He was engrossed in his laptop, fingers flying over keys as he pored over a document in Arabic. Curiosity piqued, I couldn’t help but wonder: What was he reading so intently? A plan of some sort?

Shaking off the intrusive thought, I returned to my book, the flight progressing smoothly without incident or turbulence.

As we began our descent, with the cabin preparing for landing, I caught a glimpse of my seatmate closing his laptop with a sense of finality and retrieving something from his bag. He bowed his head, lips moving silently. Stealing another glance, I realized he was praying, not just any prayer, but with an intensity I’d never witnessed. The fervor of his supplication set alarm bells ringing in my mind, an irrational fear seizing me: Was he about to commit an unthinkable act?

My breathing turned rapid, shallow, a flood of adrenaline sharpening my senses to an excruciating degree. The Arabic phrases, the sweat on his brow—it all painted a terrifying scenario in my mind, one where we were moments away from the plane turning into a fireball before slamming into the ground—perhaps the Swedish parliament.

In the grips of panic, a sliver of reason managed to break through. “Ulrik, calm down. There’s no danger here. He’s just scared of flying, nothing more.” Clinging to this lifeline of logic helped me fight the overwhelming urge to sound an alarm. It kept me seated, silent, avoiding a potential disaster born from misunderstanding and fear.

The tempest of panic and anxiety raged on within me, but that single, rational thought was a beacon in the storm, preventing a knee-jerk reaction that could have led to chaos. And when my fear subsided, I was awash in shame.

I never talked to the man next to me on the plane. Come to think of it, I am not sure I even acknowledged his presence at all (I feel embarrassed writing this, my white fragility protesting). It was probably at least some part of unconscious bias that made me reluctant to reach out to him—he felt so different to me. So I do not know his name, and he probably had no idea of the emotional roller-coaster I was going through next to him. He was probably just shit scared of flying, or really worried he would have problems in immigration due to his appearances—for all I know he might well be born in Sweden despite his “unswedish” appearance. And he probably thought I was just another stuck-up white dude!

So, as the above example from my life illustrates: I am not on some moral high horse. I get it. Similarly to how some PoCs might have uncomfortable associations with white-only settings, biases against PoCs are hard wired into our emotional responses. So we are just a bunch of primates, ravaged by emotional drives, trying to get along. I am by no means infallible, I probably fail on a daily basis by engaging in default male, white, het cis and abelist behavior.

Still, I care.

So why do I care?

Well, if I do nothing about DEI I am concerned about the next time someone I care deeply for gets hurt by another EA making a “DEI mistake”. What should I tell my loved one if that happens? “Sorry, but I think that’s ok, they probably didn’t mean to hurt you”? I can promise you that won’t fly, and nor should it. It is only fair to expect better. Much better. Afterall, my friends do not have to put up with that type of shit where they usually hang out.

Also, when I have brought up the issue of whiteness in EA with my PoC friends, they almost always ask the same question: “Why don’t you do something about that, Ulrik?” it feels really weird to say “I can’t”, especially when there are tons of way to improve things. “If not me, then who? If not now, then when?” etc.

At least I can do this: I can work as much as I can to improve the abysmal (abysmal compared to the lofty ambitions of saving black kids from Malaria, the world from AI and of being super altruistic and super rational/​un-biased) state of DEI in EA. And the next time an EA hurts someone I care for, I can at least say “listen, this movement has lots of issues and it has people who act in hurtful ways. But the movement also has amazing people, and we are working together to do something I care deeply about. And I am trying as hard as I can to make people in the movement act in less hurtful ways.” That might fly.

Don’t get me wrong—it is not like the people I care for are some delicate flowers, nor is it like I think the perpetrators of these hurtful behaviors are are sadistic, white EA men. I like to believe the state of affairs is simply down to lack of awareness and exposure. Why else would the cosmopolitan circles I am used to hanging out in not have the same issues EA do? I have seen better. I know things can be better.

You see, I can only belong somewhere all my friends and family can belong too. Right now I do not feel like I belong in EA, and that is coming from a white het cis and able bodied man! But I am hell bent on doing all I can to make it so that I feel like I belong because EA is the closest thing to a “community home” I have ever known. If I step on some white, male toes towards that goal I unapologetically apologize—my choice is to either stay the course on my DEI crusade or be “kicked out”. Kick all you want, just please don’t kick the people I love.

This post:

  • Only intends to describe why I care. It therefore does not:

    • Offer solutions

    • Address potential counter arguments—you cannot really argue about how I feel

    • Is emotional in tone, because it describes my emotions

    • Does not contain data or analysis on DEI in EA—I feel what I feel due to the information contained in the post above. It might change how I feel if I get data that e.g. clearly shows that I have had some edge and unlikely experiences with EA—my experiences probably do not amount to statistical significance.

  • Describes some stereotypes and makes generalizations. I really hope I do not offend anyone and am happy to change wording etc. as much as I can. But the experience with me freaking out on the plane, for example, must rely on stereotypes because that is what drove my racist and bigoted response to the situation. That was 100% my fault and the stereotype says volumes about my own biases and in no way is meant to place any blame on or contribute to the otherness of the man next to me on the plane

  • Is a white dude’s perspective. My discomfort is probably miniscule compared to that of at least some members of marginalized groups

  • Was published in unpolished form due to popular demand

  • Could potentially be helpful for EAs who are less bullish on DEI and/​or who feel like DEI is political and detracts from EA work by being divisive. The hope is that this post shows that the DEI topic, at least for some is to a large extent deeply personal/​emotional and not some “campaign issue” but rather one of feeling like one belongs in EA or not

Not meant to be part of this post, but perhaps worth mentioning:

  • Even though my emotional motivations for DEI are almost purely personal and feelings-driven, I think there is potentially tremendous material value in making EA more friendly to PoCs and other marginalized groups. Others have made a good point on this on epistemic grounds, and there is also the probably too obvious reason that our potential talent pool is probably way less than 50% white (if you consider top talent in large countries like India and China it is probably >90% non-white).

  • I am not sure what policies I support for increasing diversity and belonging in EA. I think I have heard that e.g. the Deloitte office in NYC is pretty good—maybe there are lessons there. That said, I think me as a white dude opining on DEI policies is not the most useful. That said, if marginalized groups would lead the work on DEI in EA, I would highly recommend that they are properly compensated for such work. Too often the burden of such work lands on marginalized groups, often even unpaid.